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Onirio delves, just for you, into all those delicate, sometimes seemingly improbable (but oh-so-real!) challenges that the world of management throws our way. In each episode, you'll find tips to gain some perspective and expertly navigate through your tricky managerial situations

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Today's Tricky Situation: How to tell a team member they talk too much?

During your weekly team meeting, everyone shares their thoughts on the past week and plans for the next one. It's now the turn of one of your team members who talks (really) too much. You wonder with a hint of irritation "How much longer will they keep talking...?".

Of course, it turns into a monologue of 2, 5... 10 minutes!

This situation, which annoys all the other team members, has gone on long enough. It's time to address it. 😉

⛔ Mind the mistakes!

In this kind of situation, you might be tempted to have all sorts of reactions that won't solve the problem. Don't worry; we've all been tempted to:

Snap at the talkative colleague talkative colleague: "You talk way too much!"; "We can't get a word in with you"; "Your colleagues complain about it too! This needs to change."
Lie: "Oh sorry! I have another meeting starting".
Pretend to receive a phone call
Hide under the desk and hope the employee doesn't find you

Jokes aside, these techniques aren't exactly the most effective

And yet, a solution is needed because this situation undermines the productivity of your meetings, the quality of your relationship with this colleague, and their interactions with the rest of the team. This behavior can harm your colleague, both in their professional and personal lives. Being concise is essential for effective communication and efficiency in the workplace.

It's in everyone's best interest that an open and constructive conversation with your colleague takes place 😉

✅ How to address the subject?

To approach this subject in a diplomatic way, you could use the 4-step method of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) known as the "OFNR model".

Let's go through each step for our situation

Before you start, ask yourself about your true intention: What is my real intention when I address this topic with my colleague? Do I genuinely want to help and improve their work environment and relationships? Or am I trying to impose a behavior change on them?

Naturally, NVC only bears fruit in the context of an authentic, adult-to-adult relationship where everyone can express their needs, is free to choose, and seeks to enhance their relationship with the other. 😉

OFNR - Step 1:Observation

The first step of NVC is to observe the situation, analyze the reactions of the person and other team members towards it. The goal is not to pass judgment but to observe and try to understand the situation.

Questions to ask yourself: "What happened concretely? "What are the facts?

Example:

⛔ Lucie talked too much during the meeting; it was really long

✅ I noticed that you spoke for 10 minutes during our last meeting, and we ended the meeting late.

OFNR - Step 2: Expressing Feelings

Here, the goal is to analyze your feelings about the situation: what emotions does this situation trigger in you? It could be discomfort, annoyance, frustration, weariness...

During this step, you should express using "I" instead of "You". For instance:

⛔ You piss me off when you dominate the conversation in every meeting.

✅ I get frustrated when our team meetings run late, and some participants haven't had time to discuss their topics.

OFNR - Step 3: Identifying Needs

This step involves reflecting on and identifying the needs - underlying our emotions - that are not being respected or met in this situation.

You can ask yourself, "What do I need? What do my emotions reveal?"

⛔ You talk too much, and it reduces time for others.

✅ I need us to cover all the agenda items, and the speaking time to be distributed more evenly.

OFNR - Step 4: Making Request

In this final step, you will communicate to your team member a concrete and specific request to improve the situation.

The key is to formulate this request in positive and constructive language. The goal is not to offend the person but to find a solution that works for both of you.

⛔ You must stop monopolizing the conversation during team meetings.

✅ I would like your contributions in team meetings to be more concise. Is that something you can consider?

In summary, preparing your communications using the NVC method is doubly beneficial: it helps you reflect on the situation and aids you in finding the right words to resolve it 😉

See you soon for the next episode!

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Episode #4 - Telling a team member they talk too much