Hello and welcome to Tricky Management Situations !

In this series of articles, Onirio explores, for you, all those tricky, even improbable (and yet real!) situations that the manager's job can throw at us. In each episode, you'll find tips on how to step back and manage your problems 😉

In today's episode, a situation we wouldn't wish on anyone...

Enjoy your reading!

If you haven't already done so, you can also :

Read all episodes published to date
Discover theOnirio team and follow us on LinkedIn
Subscribe to our newsletter to receive future articles by email

🛶Today's struggle: How do you manage two employees who can't stand each other?!

You're a manager, and your team is destabilized by two colleagues who can't stand each other. Initially, you chose to ignore the minor clashes, thinking they would eventually blow over... But now, other team members are also complaining! They're caught in the middle, and some tasks have come to a standstill due to the palpable tension between these two.

How do you manage this situation?

⛔Mind the mistakes!

In these moments, it's not always clear how to proceed, but to avoid aggraving the situation, we strongly recommend that you:

Dismissing the issue and letting the situation fester: "oh they'll get over it!" ⇒ spoiler alert: no, it won't!
Go along with one of the parties, thinking you'll appease him/her: "yes, you're right, it's true that he/she isn't easy on this point " ⇒ The person runs the risk of sticking to his/her guns if he/she's convinced he/she's right, and has your blessing to lash out!
Belittling the conflict: "that's enough now, we can't take it anymore, stop your childishness!!!" ⇒ This might put them on the defensive, or they may withdraw, making the situation harder to address.
Criticize those involved in the conflict with other team members: "they're really unbearable those two!" ⇒ This would only increase tensions and could lead to escalation if some get involved.
Letting the team sort out the issue on their own ⇒ This might lead to factions forming!

In summary, when there are tensions between two colleagues, it's important to intervene quickly to prevent the situation from escalating and disrupting the team's work. Above all, you should remain neutral, empathetic, and impartial...

Here are some tips for managing this situation 👇

How to position yourself as a manager in this situation?

1) Organize an individual meeting with each collaborator

Initially, the goal is to understand the reasons behind the tension and gather the respective feelings and viewpoints of the conflict's protagonists. During each interview:

Focus on facts: "What happened during the the last meeting? What words were spoken? What was your reaction?"
Then encourage the person to express his or her emotions about these facts: "How do you feel? What do you feel? What specifically makes you angry or sad about this situation?"
Then, help them identify their needs to improve this situation: "What would you need to feel better?"
Summarize your understanding of the situation, making a clear distinction between facts, feelings and expressed needs. E.g.: "On Monday, the XYZ project meeting ended due to heated exchanges between [the other person] and you. You are angry because you feel like your work is not being respected. You would like to be asked for your opinion when setting deadlines for this project."
Ask the employee to confirm that you have understood the situation from his or her point of view: "Is that right? Have I understood your feelings / point of view?"
Announce the next steps and gauge whether the person is ready to be constructive: "I'm also going to talk to [the other person] about what happened. Then, I would like to organize a joint discussion involving all three of us to collectively identify solutions to resolve this situation. Does that work for you?" ⇒ If the person isn't ready, ask them what they need to accept the exchange (e.g. time to come down from their emotions) and see to what extent you can guarantee it.

A few tips on the posture to adopt during the exchange:

Take notes while the person is speaking, especially if they are angry. Let them vent, and you can revisit various topics later
Maintain a neutral attitude, speak in a calm and reassuring tone.
Rephrase at each step to ensure that you have understood correctly

2) Preparing and facilitating a discussion with both parties of the conflict

To ensure that the discussion between the two conflicting parties goes smoothly, several conditions need to be met:

Ensure that both individuals have calmed down emotionally and are ready to engage constructively to resolve the situation
Review the notes you took during the individual interviews: Are there any common interests between the two parties? Are there genuine points of disagreement on the core issues?
Prepare your talking points regarding the context (facts only) and your expectations for this situation and the behavior of these two individuals (e.g. the need for the team to be united in the face of the challenges of the XYZ project).

During the discussion:

Set the context and outline the session. E.g.: "I'm going to restate the framework of this exchange and remind you of the final objective (e.g.: that the tensions between you ease, that you both feel at ease on a daily basis, that we can move forward serenely on our common issues)".
Invite each party to express their feelings and needs authentically, as during the individual conversation with you. Ask the other person to listen without reacting. Encourage each of them to take notes if necessary, and do so yourself.
Summarize both parties' needs and your own needs as the team manager.
Collaboratively brainstorm solutions that will address the various expressed needs. The constraint is that all needs must be met by the proposed solutions.
Create a joint action plan with specific behaviors for each of you to adopt.
Ask both parties if they are satisfied with these proposed conflict resolution solutions.

3) Ensuring follow-up on this situation

It is important to monitor the resolution of the situation and ensure that both collaborators implement the actions identified together and work constructively.

At the end of the three-way discussion, propose a future date to revisit this situation and discuss the quality of their collaboration.

If tension persists despite efforts from both sides, other options can be considered, such as team composition changes or role adjustments for one or both collaborators.

You can also seek mediation or external intervention to avoid dealing with this situation alone. A coach or a professional mediator can assist you in calming the tensions between the two collaborators.

In conclusion, when you take on the role of a mediator in a conflict, keep in mind that your empathy and an objective approach are your best allies. However, it's also essential that both collaborators are willing to be constructive for solutions to emerge. It's not solely your responsibility; each individual is accountable for the quality of their interpersonal relationships. 😉

À for the next episode!

In each episode, Onirio explores a managerial situation and gives you advice on how to take a step back and adopt the right reflexes!

To find all the episodes already published, go to here !

To discover discover upcoming management challenges, you can follow us on our LinkedIn page or subscribe to our mailing list below.

Have you experienced managerial difficulties? Inspire us!

We're sure you've been in plenty of situations that would merit an article 😉. And we're always looking for inspiration for our next episodes. So drop us a line with a description of your troubles! We'll be delighted to explore your situations!

Episode #9 - Managing two colleagues who can't stand each other